Toolio was fat

THE 'OL EYES

I have really bad eyesight.  I mean, really bad.  I am actually considered legally blind wihout my glasses.  I have been wearing glasses and/or contacts since I was 14, but probably should have been using them sooner.  Actually, when I think of how my brother and I used to squint or pull our eyes slanted so we could focus in class, I realize we should have gotten glasses much sooner.

So after years of contemplation, I have decided to get laser eye surgery.

I was planning on getting LASIK, but I am so deformed and messed up, that I have to settle for PRK.  If you want to know the difference, read here.  The main difference for me is that I now need several days to recover from surgery, as opposed to only one day recovery.

However, having the supportive family that I do; they are clearing schedules, taking time off and planning to take care of me and The Boys so I can get this done.  And since this surgery is not covered by insurance, we are especially thankful for Hubby's incredible work ethic and ability to save money.

Surgery is May 30.  I'll only be at the Surgery Center for 2 hours, with a follow up the next day.  Then there'll be a series of appointments to make sure everything is clicking along. 

Yeah - I'm pretty excited.  Unless you know what it's like to have to feel around for your glasses just to go to the bathroom at night, or read the clock, or even see who you're talking too, you can't possibly uderstand what a difference this will make.   

Wish me luck!

MORE ON WALLYWORLD

Okay - I've only gotten as far as Walmart and Washington from the tidbits of info that I've been sent.  So now that I've learned that Dickhead Cheney personally praises this company, I HATE them.

I should hate them for all the socially conscious reasons.  But It takes more than a company ruining the world to make me switch.  It takes an evil Republican.  It takes Dick Cheney.

I will contonue to read about Waldo - not because I was ever really interested in learning about them - but because I now have lots of info, so I might as well be informed.

I'm sensing another new phase...

A CONFESSION

I did it.  I went to Walmart and bought stuff.  I paid $4.96/lb for premium coffee that usually costs at least $8.99/lb.  I bought the cutest summer outfit for $15 - and I have paid hundreds for similar things.  I stocked up on our favorite crackers because they're always $2 a box at Walmart - I usually only get that deal a few times a year at Alberston's.

So why do I feel so guilty?

Here's why - because it is politically correct to boycott WallyWorld.  Everyone knows how they pay cents an hour to their clothing manufacturers.  Everyone knows how they put nearly every Mom and Pop store out of business.  They get special tax breaks.  They don't pay very well.  Their business practices squeeze the very last ounce of decency one can muster from a capitalistic economy. 

Yes - they are exploiting everything American capitalism has to offer.

Everyone tells me I shouldn't be shopping there.  Everyone I know who does go there ('cept for Hubby's Dad) also feels guilty about it.  Supposedly they make their employees work off the clock.  Supposedly their insurance plans totally suck.  Their stores attract low-life employees and customers.

Oh, really?

Okay - I totally support everything the anti-Wally's have to say about the Giant.  HOWEVER - I find myself going back and forth on whether it is actually really that wrong to shop there.  There are 2 issues for me:  1.   Saving my own money vs. saving the mom and pop stores and 2.  Are there more bad business practices than good ones?

So if Wals didn't employ these "low-lifes" - would they even have a job?  And aren't they employing thousands of people overseas in the first place?  And does the fact that the consumer benefits from their prices mean anything to our bottom line?  And it sucks that small shops go out of business - yeah - but didn't Woolworth and Sears start that crap when our Grandparents were kids?

Could it be that this is just capitalistic evolution?  Maybe...maybe not.

I know there is evil government ties to most large corporations.  I do have a little hippie in me and will boycott/protest/speak out when I get the itch.  I know how to be a "do-gooder" and liberal and all crunchy and fair trade, blah blah blah.  Yes - I buy organic milk and still try and stay away from corporate meat and eat granola and vote correctly.

BUT - I buy Disney and drive a gas guzzling SUV.  Am I a fake liberal?  Do I not support the big picture?  Am I unsympathetic to the cause?  Do I even know the cause?

Gramps once told me (after a devastating Presidential election outcome in 2004) that even though there may be someone in the White House we don't like, it won't effect my day to day life too badly.   Sure, we are paying high gas prices because the White House employs oil tycoons.  Sure I am worried about my Social Security when I retire.  Sure - there may or may not be programs for the kids after school.   But it's nothing like how our families were effected, say, during WW2 or how the families in Iraq get by day to day.

So maybe I'll go back to WalShark, maybe not.  Can I blame them for the problems of small town America?  I don't think I can.  Am I supporting evil if I do go back?  Not sure.

So I guess I'm a walking hypocrisy.  At least I'm interesting!!

OH YEAH...HAPPINESS

Since my last post was so negative about the innerworkings of my family (for that one evening), I'd thought I'd inform the masses  - or at least the 3 of you who read this - that we are all good.

Apologies were made all around about an hour after Hubby went to work the other day.  None of us can hold a grudge; which is a good thing when it comes to working things out with the family.

So yesterday ended up being beautifully blissful; we hung out at the playground, the beach, we picnicked, we napped, and we went to dinner. 

Before dinner and apres work, we went back to a very special park with huge fields of grass so as to prepare for the launch of the boys' (as in boys, I mean the 4-year-old and the 41-year-old) new hobby rocket.

The rocket must have gone up at least 200 feet.  That's about 195 feet higher than anything Bubby has ever set into the air before.  The best part of launching this toy hobby rocket was watching Hubby and Bubby get equally excited about the rocket shooting into the sky.  They watched the rocket sail up to the clouds with the same open mouth and cocked head.  They both ran as fast as they could to the 'landing site' to try and catch the parachute.  They both ran around like crazed monkies with excitement after the launches were completed.

Peas in a pod.

Yesterday was a dream day in this house.  Everyone slept through the night, woke up happy, ate their meals, played well with others.  No hitting, crying, (very little) yelling, and no major disasters.  We all went to bed easily and even this Mom didn't wake up in the middle of night.  A first for me in quite some time.

I could get used to this.

OOPS I DID IT AGAIN

Why can't I ever just listen to my husband's complaints without feeling so offended?  Why do i have to turn every criticism or point of contention into a grand production of Jules Has It Hard?

So last night after a wonderful surprise birthday dinner for Grandma C, Hubby was a little frustrated when we got home.  The house was a mess and the kids were crying and it was about an hour past their bedtime.  He silently started cleaning and I had...just had...to ask what his problem was.  Like it wasn't obvious.

And so when he said, "the house is in shambles!", I was totally offended.  Why?  Maybe because I know it's my job to keep things going around here; including an orderly house.  And I hate being told I'm not doing a great job.

AND NOT THAT WE ARE CLEAN FREAKS...believe me.  If you have been to my house since the second kid came along...you know this well.

But, instead of saying, "you're right.  I'm trying to get things together", I decided to act totally mortified and marched right to the garage with my keys (as if planning to take off).  I had to make major statement, right?  It so moi, n'est ce pas?

Yeah - me when I'm being an idiot.

My 4 year old chased after me crying and pleading for me not to leave.  I felt like a total asshole.  Now I had let my stupid overreaction to the house cleaning criticism spill onto my kids.  No child should ever be put in that position...crying and asking mommy not to leave just because Dad's a little mad.  God- I think I just lost my spot in Heaven for that one.

And to top it off, I still had to press it with Hubby because I had decided not to take a drive.   Like I was ever going to go anywhere, anyway. 

After a little more yelling like complete jerks in front of the kids, we all watched Idol and calmed down. Everyone went to bed without hesitation.  Not sure which couch Hubby slept on, though.

Cut to this morning before work and there are no words between Hubs and I.  Just coffee and toast.  Finally, 3 minutes before he has to leave, I blurted out  - with tears - "Do you still love me?!".  Uhhhhh - maybe I should have chased that acting career, after all?  I'd like to thank the Academy....

Poor Hubs had no time to say anything, except, of course he loves me and we'll talk about it more when he comes home.  I had obviously made him feel bad.  I could tell by his eyes and the tone of his voice that he felt hurt.

So today I am the asshole.  Why do I have to be soooo~ dramatic?  Why do I need constant reinforcement?  Why must inflict my insecurities on the people I love the most? 

Maybe because I'm human.  Yeah- but that's not an excuse.

Sorry, babe.  You have a right to your complaints as much as I do.  I know you understand that I am trying to get things together after all of us being so sick for so long.  You hardly ever complain about the slack you're picking up...you just do it and still take care of us.  Someday I will get to a point where we can actually talk about the issues we need to solve around here (thank God they're only as serious as a messy, overstuffed house) without offense and tears. 

God - therapy is soooo HARD!

THE SPIRITED CHILD

Have I mentioned how Bubby's teacher politely informed us that we have a difficult spirited child?

At our parent education class a couple of weeks ago (required with the coop preschool), we talked about normal child behaviors and discipline.  Thankfully, it was mostly a session on how to discipline without spanking.  A policy of which I totally approve and follow (but that's another post). 

At the end of class the teacher brought out her library of parenting books for us to peruse.  Not that she uses one particular method, nor was she trying to tell us how to parent...she was just being helpful and saying, "maybe these will help someone here".

The one book she handed me was, Raising Your Spirited Child; A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic.

Oh, really?

So then I said, "would this apply to <Bubby>?"  And not only did she agree, but all the other parents who spend time with Bubs in the classroom affirmed her conclusion as well.

"He's happy and rambunctious"

"He's a great kid, but very excited"

"You know, he's very, very smart and so a little bored with the regular things".

Oh great.  My son is now me. Growing up I always heard about how J (my bro) and I were the loudest, most hyper, but smartest kids on the block.  Truth be told, we were both bored to tears with school.  It was easy and boring and didn't make much of a challenge for either of us (okay, if you don't count the whole having-to-turn-in-work part).

So I just started reading the book - and my biggest fear was that it was going to tell me that my son had a condition.  Like ADHD or ADD or whatever-DD they call it now.  Nope - he's just smart and hyper.  Just like his teacher thought.  And for sure, just like me.

My poor mom had to deal with 2 of us like this...and she was single mom.  Sorry, Jude!

So all of the traits of the "spirited child" do not fit Bubby.  He doesn't have regular tantrums.  He doesn't have any really weird behaviors (I think), but he is definitely...more.  A personality trait that will probably serve him well as an adult, but makes it harder for us inexperienced parents.

Thankfully, the fact that Bubs is more talkative, more demanding, more intuitive, more engaging, more curious; makes him the most interesting kid ever.  Most of my friends and family can have regular conversations with him - not the I'm-stuck-with-a-preschooler-and-have-to-entertain-him type of convos.

So I'll continue to read this book with the little bit of a chip on my shoulder.  I am usually pretty cynical when it comes to parenting books.  Or anyone telling me how to do anything, really.  I think that issue might be a whole 'nother post, too.

Either way, Bubby is fascinating and brilliant.  You can call it spirited, difficult, stubborn, TAURUS...whatever. 

I call it My Wonderful Boy.